20 May 2021 - An article by Nathalie Clément, psychologist and therapist for babies, children, pregnant women and parents. Discover her ONLINE training on the sleep of children from 0 to 6 years.

Nathalie Clément, Swiss mother of two daughters, psychologist and therapist for babies, children, pregnant women and parents explains "When my children were small, I felt terribly helpless in the face of sleep deprivation! I was lucky enough to have children who very quickly 'slept through the night' but it didn't last. I remember the summer of 2016, my girls were 3.5 and 1.5. My nights were chopped up by the little one waking up and my evenings were 'rotten' by the big one's problems falling asleep. It wasaffecting my relationship, it wasaffecting my self-perception (I felt like a bad mother, unable to get my children to sleep) andit was affecting my life. As soon as it got dark, I was tense at the thought of how the evening and then the night would go. I felt sick to my stomach, my heart beat faster, in a state of stress. Can you believe it? Stressed about my children's sleep...

I then had the enormous good fortune to see child psychiatrist and child sleep specialist Rosa Jové at a conference, the author of the book " Sleeping without tears ". And that totally changed the way I spend my evenings and nights.

What has changed? I understood how children's sleep works, their needs, their brain development. And that allowed me to let go, towelcome and transform my perception of those evenings and nights that I had previously considered rotten!"

A baby's sleep is made up of much shorter and more numerous cycles than an adult's sleep. Physiologically, it is not until the child is 6 years old that he or she has a sleep pattern similar to that of an adult. Unfortunately, society's beliefs have not prepared us to be woken up at night for such a long time and very quickly the question comes up again and again: "So, does he sleep through the night?" as if a good baby should sleep through the night from the age of 2-3 months. Children wake up at night for different kinds of needs:

- physiological factors such as hunger when they are very small

- security and comfort as they grow up

The number of hours children sleep, depending on their age, weight, height, origin, etc., changes enormously and is not exact. It varies during development and is influenced by many factors. The National Sleep Foundation (Washington, USA) medically studies sleep health from newborn to adulthood and offers this table analysing the average number of hours of sleep and naps needed by specific age groups:

Sling carrying has many benefits. In particular, it allows close, reassuring and comforting contact for the child, thus promoting well-being and rest. Physical contact is one of the best ways to reassure babies and allow them to sleep peacefully. Slinging plays an important role in reducing the child's crying. A study published in the medical & academic journal Pediatrics in 1986 showed that, in a hundred children observed, babywearing reduced crying and restlessness by 43% during the day and 51% in the evening.

Dr Rosa Jové explains that parents who do not have false beliefs about their child's sleep experience night-time awakenings much better than others. So isn't it time to change our view of children's sleep and focus on how to rest with restless nights rather than how to get your baby to sleep?

Not sleeping is the worst torture you can do! 

Here are some tips: 

- carry baby with a physiological carrying device such as a sling to help him fall asleep and reduce crying. 

- favour micro-naps at any time of the day,

- go to bed once the children are in bed to recover, 

- sleeping with baby (yes, some women breastfeed without waking up),

- sharing nights or waking up with your partner (looking after a child all day is as tiring as going to work),

- have your child sleep over at someone's house one night from time to time (when you don't have children, being woken up one night a month is not a big deal),

- slow down the pace of life and expectations,

- taking care of yourself and not forgetting yourself

And remember, when you're in it, it seems like a very long time, but you may be nostalgic for those late-night cuddles when your children don't need you anymore!